I don’t know about you guys but aren’t you all freaking out that half of 2017 is *poof* gone already?! And wasn’t it just yesterday when I was soooo freaked out when 2017 came cause I was about to have the biggest moment of my life?!
It doesn’t seem like it but I feel like a lot has happened already and at the same time, they’re still the same old things. I know I don’t make sense but I do hope you get me! Let’s consider this as my 6-month review as I fill you all in and reflect on the first half of the year and how good (or bad) 2017 has treated me so far. I will try to inject a little bit of learnings in each update so maybe you can pick up a thing or two!
I HAVE GOTTEN A BIIIIIIT STRONGER. MENTALLY.
I hope I could start on a more positive note but life is not always full of sunshine and daisies. It may not seem like it but the last few months of 2016 had been the hardest for me and I carried that sadness, anxiety and frustrations over to 2017. You didn’t know, did you? Well, social media is a very good concealer. Despite all the smiles in my selfies, giddy wedding preps updates and funny random posts; a lot was happening to me and they all kept me up at night. I felt helpless, angry, betrayed and exhausted. I let my bed and emotions eat me every single day. I went to work feeling empty and went home feeling empty. For someone who is very weak, you can just imagine how it got the best of me. I withdrew from all those closest to me, exchanged going out for sleeping, cried myself to sleep and cried again whenever I woke up. I just didn’t know how to deal. In turn, I became a monster. I get cranky at the littlest things, I pushed people away and my skin never felt that dry along with bad puffy eyes. Hahaha! But kidding aside, I was at my worst. And while at some point, I got over crying; I had become very vulnerable to every single thing and so I was also an easy target of self-hate. As if what I was going through wasn’t enough, I made it harder for myself to love myself. I hated my face, hated my weight, hated my hair. I hated everything. I tried to hide everything but I guess one way or another, you’ll succumb to the pain eventually. Only those in the office get to see me as a wreck everyday and they encouraged me to get help from a professional. I was desperate to get out of the rut and so I did, reluctantly at first. I am a Psychology graduate so it was a shame that I felt that seeking help means I am sick. I mean, of all people, how could I, the good daughter, loving bride-to-be and a friend to all, not be okay? I also felt that talking about it with someone is like giving them the key to a box I tucked in secret and exposing all the bad things I tried to hide. Opening this box will make me vulnerable again and I just don’t want my emotions to be all over the place. But I found the courage to seek help and thank God I did. One by one, with help, I tried to piece myself back together. We talked about each feeling that I have and ways on how I can rise above them. I can’t say that I’m all glued up now but I’m getting there not only because I acknowledged what I went through and every single thing I felt but most importantly, because of all the love, care and understanding those close to me have been showering me with.
The main reason why I shared this is not merely because it was a key point in my life but because I want to reach out to all those who are going through bad days that do not seem to end. Please do not be afraid to ask for help like I was because the moment that I accepted help was the moment which turned it all around. Talk to someone, a loved one, a friend, or a counselor. I hope that if you knew how a very optimistic, very warm and cheerful person like me could go all the depression, anxiety and self-hate… anyone can too. But I also want you to know that if a dependent, weak and sensitive person like me could surpass it… you definitely got this!
And as for everyone else, I hope we can all be kind and willing to lend an ear. You’ll never know what impact you can leave someone who is having a hard time. Please do not dismiss someone’s feelings and think it’s mababaw. We all have different personalities and capabilities of handling things. Something that might seem so trivial to you might mean the whole world to another person. As my favorite mantra goes, “Always be kind; for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”. 😊
Moving on to the next!!!
I MARRIED MY BESTFRIEND!
Yep! Here comes the good, nope, scratch that, the best part of my 2017. I swear there is nothing like having the wedding of your dreams but marrying the kindest, most patient and most understanding man I know definitely is the cherry on top. God loves me enough to give me the best person out there. Scroll down to see some photos from our special day!
I couldn’t walk down the aisle without something that will make me feel that Papa is beside me so I printed out my favorite photo of us and tied it in my bouquet 🙂
Our groomsmen and bridesmaids
My sister saying something funny again. As usual!
Our beautiful church
While JM was crying, I was crying too! But I didn’t know if it was because I was overwhelmed or because my walking down the aisle song that JM picked for me (which is Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran, btw) did not play loud enough lol
Our lovely reception venue
It was definitely a magical night spent with our family and loved ones ❤
I have learned a lot of things during our wedding preps but I’d save that for another blog post! From picking a theme, researching about suppliers down to setting a budget, these may be too overwhelming but as long as you and your fiancé work on all those TOGETHER, wedding preps are actually fun! Aside from the wedding preps, I am constantly learning a thing or two about married life. I learned how to drop my ego, not always put myself first and basically just try to be a better person because it’s been such a long time that JM has been dealing with such a crappy girlfriend so now, I’m trying to be the best wife I can be. *cross fingers!*
I have just been married for almost 6 months so I’m sure I’ll be learning a lot more. For now, here are three things I have learned.
- Seek first to understand, then be understood. We all love being right. I know I do. It feels great when you make the other half apologize and admit that they are wrong but too much of always wanting to be right ruins everything. Learn to meet halfway. Two different people in a relationship is bound to disagree at some point but as long as you respect each other and try to acknowledge how you both feel, you can avoid things to get messy.
- See the best in your partner and the relationship. JM and I have been together for 8 years and it’s amazing how we are still constantly finding out new things about each other. I recently learned that JM isn’t just too organized for my life but he actually enjoys catering to people. All this time, when I see him packing things for me, cleaning our room, down to organizing my laptop files, I thought he was just plain OC. Yun pala, he just really finds it fulfilling when he helps people out in any way he can. I see JM now in a much better light, not that I haven’t before, but seeing how genuine of a person he is day by day makes me wake up everyday feeling #blessed.
- Don’t forget to make time and do fun things together! When we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we never tried traveling with just the two of us. It might be because getting out of work and life in general is just too hard and we’d rather rest during weekends. After getting married, we made sure to travel as much as we can and we love it! Being in new places gives us a high while learning new things about each other. We enjoyed the nature in our recent trip to Cebu, the culture and people of Japan and of course, their food! We will be going to Bohol next month and Vietnam on November and we could not just wait to do all sort of new and fun things together. 🙂 Tip: As airfare prices could get steep, what we do is book when there are airline promotions. Your travel budget could be cut down in half. Committing to travel dates might be tricky especially when you have a job but as I said, you just have to make time. Take your vacation leaves, guys!
Speaking of job..
I HAVE A NEW JOB!
JM actually pushed me to take a break after everything I was dealing with which I think was a good decision because I was able to focus on myself and just reflect. I was working in HR and after I graduated, I had big dreams. I said to myself that I will push myself to grow in the HR field no matter how small I start and so I worked and worked and worked until I do not know what I want anymore. I tried applying for jobs that are waaaaay too far from my career just because I want to and even if most of them seem promising, they still don’t feel right for me. If I pushed thru being a flight attendant, for example, would it really be good at this time when JM and I are still trying to adjust in our married life? JM was very supportive but I was half-hearted so I just took more of my sweet time. It’s amazing how true that things will always fall into place, you just have to have faith in that. From working in HR, I currently am a web researcher. I basically research and rewrite detailed legal contents in the comforts of our home. No dealing with getting up early, rummaging through my closet to look for something to wear and no dealing with traffic? Count me in. Again, #blessed.
So for all of you who seem to be feeling lost in terms of your career… I know we have to lay a good foundation in our professional lives but don’t be too hard on yourself! We don’t need to have everything figured out right now.
WE HAVE A NEW HOME!
This explains why I wasn’t that much active in the cyber world. We have been SO BUSY (and exhausted!) from all the packing, furniture shopping and moving in that I barely have the time to check my phone. Thank God we’re finally settled! We actually decided to move out of Eastwood as we used to live on the 17th floor so imagine the horror during those times when earthquakes were happening almost everyday! We now live in a 2-bedroom townhouse which I love just because it’s so cozy and new! Designing our new home is definitely on my list.
Tip when moving out? Don’t hesitate to declutter. I have always been a very sentimental person so when we were moving out, I found things way back from High School! Letters, pictures, academic papers that I was proud of and even tags of my clothes *rolls eyes* and though it was quite hard for me to throw things away, I realized that we can’t always hold on to things of the past, no matter how beautiful they were. At some point, we just have to let go and make space for new memories. Just like in life! *wink
So that’s it, folks! My little life update. We still have half of 2017 to try and sort things out so let’s all make it count! How about you? What are your little life updates and what did you learn from them? 😊
All my love ♥