2018 was.. well, a year of enlightenment for me. I couldn’t say it was a walk in the park as it was actually a crazy mix of sunshiny days and BAD THUNDERSTORMS but I am thankful it was because it made me really look at life differently (clichés aside). You know, exactly just like how my girl Kylie put it, “I feel like this year is really about, like, the year of just realizing stuff”. 😉
All my life I have always asked God for what I need — from strength to peace of mind or some things as specific as getting this certain job, closing this deal or to be able to do this and that. It was always a bummer whenever you do the best you can, pray as hard as you can and still fall short of what you expect. It made me doubt myself, my abilities, even blamed the people around me. It happened so many times that it came to a point that I actually believed that I do not deserve anything good. And those were good days. On bad days, I started questioning my faith and on those bad days, I was a mess. Love, patience, kindness… I felt like I don’t have and couldn’t give those anymore. It was so far from the Yves I was and continuously trying to be. Yes, I am happily married. Yes, I have a good job. Yes, I have a roof above my head but I felt empty. But who knew right? Yves is happily married. Yves travels. Yves manages a small business. Yves always smiles, etc etc.
But it wasn’t all that bad because this year, I have a stronger hold of myself. If there was one thing I learned from 2017, it was to rise above anything so whenever I feel like I have recurring periods of negative thoughts and feelings, I reflect. This particular year, I realized that I did not trust God enough. I turned my “Dear God, I worked so hard for this, please give this to me..” to “Your will be done, my Lord. I’ll accept what you think is best for me” and wow, it has done wonders. I still do the hard work but managed my expectations, I had a fresh mindset where whenever things did not happen how I want them to be, I believed that I am being led to something greater — something that I just don’t know yet. And when I started practicing that, the disappointments were a lot less painful.☺ I had some self-love and it was easier for me to accept certain things that I do not have any control of. I always choose to see the good in everything and not let any ill feelings eat the heart that I carry.
Looking back, there were A LOT of things that I prayed for but did not work out and I was nowhere near the thought that I was being protected or guided in the midst of them all but now I understand. I understand that to be truly happy, you must trust that God is working up there. Just do the work and have faith. You’ll never know when God will surprise you. He has greater things aligned for us that will blow our minds.
…just like how it blew mine. Well, JM’s and mine’s!
Thank YOU for reading this far! And… gosh, this is so surreal, I’m having a crazy time blurting it out. Haha! Okay uhm, may I just share with you that…
WE ARE MIGRATING TO CANADA 🙂
Okay now I don’t know what comes after finally getting that out. We leave on Christmas Day! *insert happy and sad emoji*. We literally just got our visas last Monday and that week had been crazy! It was just last Thursday when it actually started to sink in when JM and I were in the car and we tried to work on our schedules so I opened my calendar and started scheduling. It was a crazy feeling of joy, excitement, fear and sadness. It is a very promising opportunity but IT IS A BIG MOVE. I started realizing that I only had a few days left with my family, my friends, my dogs, my favorite places and restaurants! So I started crying in the car. We haven’t left yet but in that moment, I started missing my sister who does a lot for me and my little brother who runs to me when they fight. Hahaha! They were always there for me and I guess what I’m trying to say is… I will miss them the most. I’ll stop here cause my throat hurts from trying not to cry.
To whoever is reading this, I will miss you too. I bet we have atleast one crazy happy memory together so I am leaving you with this: whenever you feel like nothing is working out, let God’s plan for you take over. One day, you’ll actually say “Aha! That’s why it didn’t work out!” and if it takes too long to happen… look back to the bad days you survived, the friends you kept, the good health you have and the family who loves you. You might not get the thing you have been praying for yet but what if what you currently really need is his constant guidance and care to make it to another day? And if that still doesn’t work, always remember this story of mine ☺ A girl struggling since God knows when but finally started to get her plot twist number one!
And for a pabaon note to myself, (I know I’ll read this blog again on random days. Haha!) Know that life will always have its ups and downs but whatever challenges you may face, you have a God who knows what you truly need even before you ask him. Trust in His timing. Plus, you have your bestest friend by your side! There’s nothing that you two cannot do!
Ahhhhh this week has been a total cryfest for a lot of reasons but we just cannot wait to flip another chapter in our lives ♡
All my love!